An Open Letter

~ To All The People Who Have Tried To Screw Me This Week ~

This list includes:
God
The Universe in general
My own BODY (sick and menstrating - need I say more?!?)
My History teacher
My English teacher
My Dance teacher
My Political Science teacher
My Spanish teacher
"The boy"
The on-campus internet server (which keeps crashing)
The weather
My work
My INSANE residents
UCM's LOVELY chaplain

. . . . . . .

This letter is to serve notice that I am sick, tired, and just plain fed up with the constant CRAP that I have had to put up with this week.
I am tired of tests where I need two weeks to prepare 5 full length essays in order to attempt a passing grade.
I am tired of taking tests where I have studied a concept for two weeks and don't understand it only to be tested on it.
I am tired of "I'll see you tomorrow" only to come in second place to a paper or playing hakey sack.
I'm tired of feeling guilty when I want to see/talk to "the boy", yet when I call him/im him, it turns out he's doing something like studying or sleeping, which I have interrupted.
I'm tired of thinking about the whole situation with "the boy".
I am tired of hearing from people only when they need or want something.
I am tired of assignments that take HOURS to complete, even when the internet IS working.
I am tired of a server that collapses every time a computer tries to access the internet.
I am tired of feeling guilty for not being superhuman.
I am tired of feeling guilty for proritizing everything that's going on in my life.
I am tired of having snow and ice storms in the morning and in the afternoon have to get rid of my jacket because it has become too hot to wear it outside.
I am tired of feeling like I don't want to move, eat, drink, or think.
I'm tired of being in pain.
I'm tired of sleeping all the time.
I'm tired of having to take pain medication so I can function properly.
I'm tired of hearing about everything that is going wrong in the world.
I am tired of residents who can't seem to USE that LUMP THREE FEET ABOVE THEIR ASSES THAT IS SOMETIMES CALLED A HEAD.
I am tired of residents who think that it's ok to be obnoxious and nosey.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm just taking up space until somebody more worthwhile comes along.

I think that most people would consider me to be a very loving, gentle, patient person. I don't usually loose my temper, don't curse very much, and try to help in any way I can.

This week, I'm done. The quota was filled on MONDAY. If anything else comes up, there's gonna be a MAJOR problem.




I'm Still Here
Johnny Reznik
I am the question to the world/not an answer to your word/On a moment that's hanged to your own/And what do you think you'd ever say/I won't listen anyway/You won't rule me/And I'll never be what you want me to be/And what do you think you'd understand/I'm a boy, no I'm a man/You can't take me and throw me away/And how can you learn what's never shown/Yeah you stand here all alone/They don't know me cuz I'm not here/And now for the moment to be real/Wanna touch things I don't feel/Wanna hold on and feel I belong/And how can the world want me to change/They're the ones who stay the same/They don't know me cuz I'm not here/And you see the things they never see/All you wanted I can be/Now you know me and know I'm afraid/And I wanna tell you who I am/Can you help me be a man/They can't break me as long as I know who I am/And now for the moment to be real/Wanna touch things I don't feel/Wanna hold on and feel I belong/And how can the world want me to change/They're the ones that stay the same/They can't see me but I'm still here/They can't tell me who to be/Cuz I'm not what they see/Yeah the world is just sleepin/While I keep on dreamin for me/And their words are just whispers/And lies that I'll never believe/And now for the moment to be real/Wanna touch things I don't feel/Wanna hold on and feel I belong/And how can they say I never change/They're the ones who stay the same/I'm the one now cuz I'm still here/I'm the one whos still here/Im still here