My Bitter Reality

If someone were to have told me how this summer was going to go, I would have turned down my job and stayed at home.

Instead of working at a camp, I would have found work at some retail store somewhere. Instead I took a job at a camp based out of my school. And while I love the kids and my fellow counselors are wonderful, none of this has made the summer any easier.

So far this summer, I have been in trouble with my bosses so often that the next time I get in trouble, I will most likely be fired. I wish I could say that none of it was my fault, but I can't. I keep trying to make things right but it only ends up with me getting into more trouble.

In addition, the one person that I want nothing to do with is the one peson I can't seem to let go of. And it doesn't help that he still wants to be around. But how do you protect yourself from someone who doesn't even know that they have power over you? There is nothing that I can do about it - unless I stop talking to him completely and shut him out for good. And for some reason, I just can't do it. I wish to God that I could. It would make life that much easier.

I'm struggling to stay ahead of it all and the only thing that is constant is my feelings of failure and incompetance. I don't even know what to do anymore.

I know that I am not perfect and can never be perfect, but the thing is I still want to be. I failed at school, I failed at relationships, and now I'm failing at work.

Isn't there anything that I can do right?